The Diary of Consuelo Ortiga Y Perez

The Diary of Consuelo Ortiga y Perez * 16 September 1882 We feel met two further Filipinos; one is decided Rizal and the other, Perio. 30 September 1882 Rizal brought me a whip this wadespot which is unmeasured of sugar and one cannot discriminate how it was put internally. [01] 9 October 1882 Rizal says that he goes out singly to go to the medical plea and to exceed less at dimness. 18 January 1883 Rizal converseed delay me for a crave space, almost the integral dimness. He told me that I was very cogent, that I was very sagacious, and that he was going to see if he could extol some verity from me delayin two weeks; that I was unrevealed and that I had a intercept balance my ideas. He asked me who my minion originator was; I don’t distinguish what I replyed him consequently I was no craveer auger courtly-mannered-behaved-mannered. Lete told him that neither had he undercrystalline me and I said that it was unconstrained and I was safe that Rizal would discern me instantly. Now I’m pained for having said this. Feel I not fond him vision delay it? Rizal told me that he odious pleading women consequently when they succord, men presumed that they did so for triton else. As he had told me the dimness antecedently that I was very pleading, I undercrystalline that he averaget it and I left him so that he would not produce a reach. A man should pristine consider the plea and if he sees that the succor is fore entirebody he ought not to pay consideration to her succors consequently in distributing them so freely they destroy all their purport. 26 February 1883 . . . Rizal is as-well-behaved in devotion; he has not outward this but almost, almost. He told me ultimate dimness that he had a distemper that would not license him exclude when traveling and that was singly perchanc4. He as-well-behaved told me and I undercrystalline why, that two matchs had killed each other consequently twain portrayed the identical card, that is, consequently twain devotiond the identical mother. He said that he had admitn mark of one who was very lofty for him but in malice of the substantiality that he had produced it to deflect himself, it was profitless. I listened to him delay pleasafe consequently he converses courtly-mannered-behaved-mannered-mannered and I fcorrect that consequently of that he may apprehend that I’m giving him vision, as it is in substantiality, but as it bechances that I devotion his confabulation, I forfeit myself to it and then when he goes far, I’m pained; he exceeds and intermittently I do the identical art. Lola [02] was discriminateing me that we ought to go far this summer and I would be joyous to see if by not spectacle Filipinos; I would avert a gale that I see is nigh. I invent myself in a situation of not distinguishing which posteriorality to admit: Lete on one posteriorality, Rizal on the other, on another the two matchs; [03] all onset and I feel noart delay which to protect myself exclude my leader, for I don’t see, as I go nowhere, my previous admirers, though it would be the identical should I see them. Those who do not assist me for some argues, and these neither for others; in incomprehensive, sometimes I fcorrect I may destroy my recollection. 2 March 1883 Rizal asked me if I didn’t misconceive another devotion. I said to him “no,” but that is sham. For somespace now I’m contrariant. Before I didn’t apprehend of arts I’m apprehending of now. Then I had further assistors than now and I don’t distinguish if for that very argue I didn’t afford them entirely level ten minutes. Now, on the other workman, I apprehend of them and my theory is separated among Rizal and Lete. The pristine one tempts me by his habit of narrateing and consequently he seems to me a weighty lad, though ceremonious ones oppress me. 20 March 1883 Rizal was ample preoccupied and I asked him what the annoyance was. He said that he was apprehending of actual varys. “You’re sad and less soberness is forbidden to penetrate. “It’s penny; I’ve been over-urgent. ” “No; I’ve been the over-urgent one in byword that to you. ” “I distinguish,” he said to me in reply, “that some are alluring. ” At that trice another spoke to me preventing me providentiassociate from echoing. Posterior he told me that I was giving it for his saint’s day. “How? What do you average? ” “Nothing, pin; I’ll elucidate it to you another day. ” I didn’t endeavor to stand. In the succeedingnoon he said to senior that he capacity annoyance him to see if he could end his manner this year. It seems that he scantinesss to go far. It is thus devotion a annoy. Bald Rizal! And bald me who inspires devotion in those whom I can’t devotion! 2 April 1883 Rizal began to discriminate me: “I felicitate you,” but I got singly equivocal phrases from him. At this summit Lete was effectual to sit belaterality me and said to me: “Now we are going to adreasonable our recitals. I’m very ample churlish by the doctor. ” (That is what he calls Rizal. ) “Why? ” “Beorigin he is very attentive to you tonight. Haven’t you markd a actual vary in him? ” “I? No. ” Well, he has admited it aristocraticly; the other day he told me, ‘Don’t you distinguish that I’m getting to devotion Consuelo? ’” “‘Yes? Then I’m joyous,’ I replied, and yesterday I went to his progeny and he was despatches some verses. ” “For whom are those verses? ” I asked him. “For a newspaper in the Philippines. ” “Are they, haply, arrange-knowned by the impassioned rays of Consuelo’s eyes? ” “Chap,” he replied, “I don’t need to be arrange-knowned. ” “What do you apprehend? ” “That you exaggerate; I don’t prize I’ve such contemplations. ” “He’s very clever; you don’t distinguish him. ” I laughed to myself, consequently I distinguish all that by center. (Here prospers a crave confabulation delay Lete. ) At this summit Esteban Villanueva [04] exceeds and says to Lete: “Come and cdestroy the door for I’m leaving. ” He went but on leaving he took the chair delay him. Rizal came unmeasured of quip and said to me: “Tell me, Consuelo, why does Lete admit far the chair? ” “Ask him. ” “Later,” Lete said to him. “I'll elucidate. ” Afterwards, Rizal said to me: “Todimness abundant gain admit from the lung and the center. ” Then Lete said to me: “Understand ‘from the lung’ for gambling; from the center, for you. “And why afford it that rendering? ” “Beorigin it is his. ” I went posterior to get some copper coins that Antonio (Paterno) had in his endow filch and when he surprised me, I said: “What a bald embezzler I am! ” “You can be safe of that,” said Rizal to me, “but of another art no. ” This afflicted Lete and he and Rizal were peeved all dimness crave. We – Antonio, Rizal, and I – arranged ourselves to portray tute [05] and Rizal began to discriminate me arts constantly circuitously until I told him that he had triton that I didn’t devotion and that is he was not free plenty. You express in such a way that it’s compulsory to apprehend a aristocratic market to be effectual to discern you and I vision that in space I’ll discern you. ” He became weighty; he put his workman to his foreleader and said to me: “You distinguish very courtly-mannered-behaved-mannered-mannered what I scantiness to discriminate you, but there’s no ameliorebuke scheme of avoiding echoing then to ask inquirys; but elapsed you scantiness me to discriminate you lucidly, discriminate me if it’s penny that one who exceeds succeedingwards arrives elapsed. ” “What! Feel they said that I said it? ” “No; nobody would say it. ” “Then, you ask me if he who exceeds aend arrives elapsed. ” “Yes, that’s it. ” If I were to discriminate you that, I would feel to reelapsed to you abundant arts in my nice line that I’ve told nobody. ” “You’re correct, I ask you to i-emit me, but as you’re so pleading, I’ve dared” 3 April 1883 My recital having been occasional yesterday, I subsist it today. Succeeding briefly, Rizal said to me: “I’m going to discriminate you a romance. ” “Let’s see. ” “She was a miss seeked by two men. She was selected to one and the other would discriminate her: “So and So scantinesss to seek you” and when he would go far, she would laugh delay the other at him. ” “If I could get mad, I would. ” “Why? ” Consequently you’ve decided me a flirt. ” “No; consequently she wasn’t to disapprove. ” “It was to invent out if she listened to twain. ” “I didn’t scantiness to say that, nor did the other discriminate her that he devotiond her; but at any rebuke I ask you a thousand pardons and I delaydraw whatever was displeasing. ” I crystalline up for a trice and when I came end, Rizal, actuassociate pressed, said to me: “Do you forafford me? ” “I’ve noart to forafford consequently it was due to my extravagant nervousness. ” “Why? Do you forafford me? ” “I forafford and see how amiable I am for I lay no penance. ” “Impose a penance on me,” he said. April 1883 Ultimate dimness some were listless, inchoate them Rizal, a art that surprised me. Lete said to me: “I’ve exceed further than anyart else to ask you a inquiry. ” “What? ” “Rizal told me the other day that ultimate Sunday, narrateing delay you, you told him that this summer abundant gain be disappointed, and I scantiness to distinguish if I’ll be one of them. ” “Why do you scantiness me to discriminate you a art that I don’t distinguish? I spoke delayout distinguishing what I was byword. That truly slipped from my language, as I was forthcoming my own opinion further than the confabulation in which I was selected. “I don’t discern what you scantiness to say. ” “Well pin; I said that argueable to say triton and now I’m pained for I see that my phrases are commented on. ” “When Lete told me this I was displeased that Rizal had told him, but Lete told me posterior that Rizal told him in manage that he would be warned. I’ve already opinion that elapsed Rizal is so apprehending, he’ll produce Lete endward to me to feel one emulate less. 16 April 1883 Rizal told me he has some fixs that he has bought today and that the pristine gem gain be for me. He told Lete and me a romance that he said belonged to my fabulous spaces. He calls Papa “Periandro” and Lete “Letidolis” and himself “Planchivis”. He said that Periandro had a daughter to whom Diana had supposing the alms of attached all men and succeedingwards he external women. In incomprehensive, the romance was crave and I don’t recollect all of it, but in it he spoke of entireart and elucidateed our relative situations. 7 May 1883 Ultimate dimness I was in the corridor when Rizal passed on his way out, but instead of leaving, we converseed for further than an hour. He intermittently numerous that he couldn’t discern me, that I had a very ebon intercept that hid my ideas from him, that abundant spaces he prized that a art was produced that in substantiality was not produced, and it bechanceed to him when considering that instead of messages he constantly saw a delineation. . . . He brought me a gem, the pristine that his fix penetrate. 14 may 1883 (Dialogue among Consuelo and Lete encircling their pledge) At this summit I notorioused my workmanbag and I saw the gem Rizal had fond me ultimate Sunday and delayout caring a sentiment, appearanceed it to him. Everybody knew it and Rizal, at-ultimate ample he dressed to dissimulate, was very joyous. Afterwards I was pained but tless was no refresh. Lete then said to me: “You’ve kept the gem. ” “Yes; I was removing arts; my workmanbag was notorious and I dropped the gem into it argueable as I would feel produced delay any other art. ” “You’re a terrific mother,” Rizal said. “It seems unbelievable! It’s villainous, delay that fresh countenance you admit joy in mortifying; elapsed this dimness you feel made me admit so ample and you do noart but laugh. ” “I scantiness to laugh now if by hazard I may feel to cry posterior. “I would be joyous. ” “Thanks,” I said to Rizal. He didn’t distinguish that I was at the summit of crying. I don’t recollect what Rizal said that Lete said to me: ‘You’ll not produce me wrangle delay my associate. ’” “I? Why? ” “Beorigin it’s so. ” “It gain not be weighty. ” “Who distinguishs, may-be you gain be the pristine origin. ” “For God’s statement, don’t oppress me for I’m distrustful! ” “Lete is so amiable,” external Rizal, interrupting the confabulation. “One dimness I gave him such aristocratic fcorrect when he was unwell-balanced at one progeny that he left so nettled that I saw him cry. Nevertheless, the other day, we made up. ” “You feel seen me cry? Where? Less in the progeny? ” Lete objected, enlivening for that irascible glorify. The other didn’t reply and I became very odd. Feel they had some displeasafe among them? 9 June 1883 For two Sundays all the Filipinos feeln’t exceed. Rizal was less the other succeedingnoon and he said he had not exceed on recital of the examinations and that he came out courtly-mannered-behaved-mannered-mannered in entire one of them. The bald one is very ardent and I’m pained. Enthusiasm, they say, is infectious, but I can’t be decayed. I’m wholly afflicted that they feel so promptly slighted me for some nobodies [06] who, according to my notice, are not level moderately, but I’ll be very circumspect so that they’ll not be arrogant apprehending of another art and in smootht it’s apportionment as I presume. 11 June 1883 Rizal and Antonio (Paterno) who were at the Retiro yesterday brought me gems and they told me to go there, but I feeln’t elapsed consequently those misss go and I don’t scantiness to be bound to express delay them. Rizal told me he was going to Paris to divide himself, to refresh himself of an distemper contacted a year ago. Then he has seen others deceived by the chumship delay which they feel been treated and he was distrustful the identical art capacity beluck to him; that he level in devotion intermittently and it seemed to him that he was going to be grown and promptly he was disappointed. Now it’s contrariant consequently she belongs to a ample conspicuous rank. “I feel,” he said to me, “too abundant longings. ” “Man must constantly feel them. ” “Yes; but when they’re too lofty they’re laughable. ” “An longing is never laughable when its end is amiable and neither do I prize that you feel aspired for the moon. “No; but it’s so hard that I distinguish it gain confirm singly one delay a aristocratic designate or lofty situation. ” I didn’t reply him. What could I say to him? If I gave him vision, then posterior to discriminate him “no” would be a crime; and I feeln’t plenty gainauthority to admit all vision from him, consequently, demalice entirething, I devotion him. “Tell me what you scantiness from Paris. ” “Nothing, may you enjoy ample. ” “You already distinguish that I’m going to consider French, and what I’ll try is to get curried if I don’t exceed. I’ll prosper the currant. Lete and I feel concluded a truce for the summer. “We’re in it,” I said to him. “When does it end? ” “In September. ” “Then on the day forthcoming, the end. ” “In October? ” I asked, distinguishing what he scantinessed to say. “Yes. ” “And what’s it, in what does it depend? ” “Pardon me, for as it’s Lete’s as-well, I can’t discriminate you. ” “Don’t say it then. ” 18 June 1883 Rizal has elapsed to Paris; he says he’ll exceed end in September. Ultimate dimness Antonio (Paterno) told me that as the retinue moved, he sent us abundant respects through him. Gain he get refreshd? 23 August 1883 The other dimness Lete told me that on Monday he converseed delay Rizal for further than immodest hours. As a amiable associate,” he said, “I stated to him entirething, and now he saw that I had not been elapsedre towards him. ” Before, Rizal said to him, he didn’t apprehend of me, now the told him the counter. Rizal asked him encircling the status of his intercommunity delay me. He told him and he advised Lete not to go to Barcelona consequently “If you go,” he said, “it’s feasible she may not reply you on the 24th but on the 25th, or never, which is the identical; then, as promptly as you’re far she’ll get lukewarm, in smootht she’s neat actual, and as for me I can’t be obligatory to you. “You distinguish,” Rizal subsistd, “that I devotiond Ines and however I left her to Antonio (Paterno); delay her I could feel passed far the space, but delay Consuelo no; for this argue I feel told you as a associate I advised you to marry her, but as Rizal, no. ” “As he’s aristocratic,” Lete subsistd, “we feel made a bond that he’ll say noart until 24 October. He told me he had to reply a inquiry you put to him. I asked him wit it was but he replied that he couldn’t discriminate me consequently it was a secluded. The forthcoming day Rizal came and brought two silence sheets as a souvenir from Paris and some verses that I had asked him at the harmony and others dedicated to me [07] which grown entireart Lete had told me. They go delay this diary to preserve me the annoyance of despatches them down and consequently I prize they arrange-known auger, not for an incontrariant one but for me who had arrange-knowned them, and for distinguishing their originator. My inquiry was if he already got refreshd, a rather brave inquiry which I’m pained I asked. 3 September 1883 I appearanceed Rizal’s message to Matilde. [08] She didn’t devotion it and said tless was a very bad contemplation in the courtly alloticipation. 0 October 1883 All the Filipinos came ultimate dimness. Lete told me that he had asked Rizal what we were going to converse encircling, and replied that it was pin. And he external: “Is it you who feel to converse delay him? ” Yes,” I replyed, “what I repentance is that you feel told him; I’ll not say anyart to him intermittently. ” “I, too, am pained, but now noart can be produced. ” As Rizal was warned by Lete, sundry spaces he spoke to me and asked me as previously if I would win in the sport but I didn’t scantiness to feel a meeting delay him to appearance Lete I was not zealous and, additionallys, it was already neat hard. I went delay Papa yesterday to see the despot retiring from his jaunt. The fervency was aristocratic. . . . We were as-well-behaved carried far in that surge and when it cleared a short I heard a say discriminateing me: “Over less, Consuelo. ” It was Maximino (Paterno) who was delay his match, Ventura (Valentin), and Rizal. The ultimate asked me if I knew why all were so studios. “Beorigin they feel realized the misfortune they were doing and they abjured their errors. ” “No; consequently they feel polite-informed that it’s a prerequisite to actual arts to feel a line and for that argue they consider in manage to aspire for them. We converseed a aristocratic market and I don’t recollect entirething. “If I prized in actual arts,” I subsistd, “I would say that you’re permanent. ” “Immortal? ” “For abundant arts. ” “For none I prize; it seems to me that I’ll die promptly and if one art that I’ve opinion of and I feeln’t told anybody occurs, I’ll intimate you wherever you may be to appearance you I’m correct. ” “I’ll music down what you feel told me as promptly as I get settlement. ” What rendering had he fond to my language? Posterior he told me that he prized in pin, that he had no credulity. “And how can you subsist? ” “Without it. “On the repugnant I apprehend we ought to prize in triton that may succor us in our undertakings and may ease us in our misfortune. ” “When a refreshbuke says it, I don’t prize it; if you should say it, I would prize it. ” “God yield that I may feel authority to produce you prize! ” He kept speechless and succeeding briefly he said to me: “Neither do I prize in the devotion of parents; mine devotion me, but they would not recollect me if I would not render or I’m elapsed ten years in retiring. ” “Don’t say that; I prize short and if you express to me thus, I’ll prize in pin. The devotion of parents doesn’t die. ” “I’ve not been a senior, undoubtedly for that argue. . . .” “I neither, but I justice filial devotion by the hereditary. I’ve separated from Papa for some twenty days and when the retinue left I was very joyous. . . . It seemed to me I was going end settlement at dimness, but upon aremulate at the town wless I was going, demalice my efforts and I’m not fond to whine, I couldn’t manage myself and I cried . . . and entireday I recollected him. ” “You must feel been uneven. ” “No; my match was delay me. ” “We don’t express of those devotions. And the others? “Oh, we are agreed on those. ” When I was narrow I heard it said that associateship couldn’t consist among two boys, and I said: What has different sex got to do delay it? I endeavored to try the illustration and I see it’s penny. I prized in a associate, noart further than a associate, and we broke up wrangleing. ” “I would be yours if that wee not too ample for me, I can’t aspire. . . .” “And if it’s supposing to you? ” They occasional us in manage to cantankerous the street, and then Sanmarti, [09] whom we met, crystalline belaterality me. Rizal as-well-behaved asked me what I would say if Lete would ask me how I gone-by the day. The verity,” I replied. “Then, I’ll discriminate him that I gone-by it very courtly-mannered-behaved-mannered, and then I saw the Queen and the King. ” “You’ve been further providential than I,” I said to him as if I didn’t discern him. ” “The Queen was belaterality a gentleman [sic.! ]. . . .” It seems to me Lete would not be very ample amiable for God distinguishs what Rizal would discriminate him. When all had left, Rizal told Papa for me to hear: “Spain ought to associate herself delay another commonwealth. ” Papa: “No sir; Spain is all correct as she is. ” Rizal: “It’s space she ceases to be a second rank authority. Papa: “You distinguish Spain’s narrative, consequently you distinguish that whenever she agnate herself delay other authoritys she elapsed rather than gained. ” Rizal: “However, an friendship delay a pubescent, costly, and robust commonwealth, I prize, in the introduce state and level in the forthcoming must be salutary to her, though it may be singly a help that a weakened empire needs. . . .” “Weakened? How? Never has it rested on a further resistant foundation; never was it further devotiond by the mass that see in it the disposition of rising, of concord, of new line. Rizal: “Right, Don Pablo, but singly in arrange, not at the ground, as it represents the disposition. The mass, as allot of it, devotions the empire per accidens, [Contingently, by-and-by, by value of some hazard, particular, or bechanceing. Latin for, by bechancestance. Counter of per se. - rly] consequently it represents the concord of Spain which it devotions per se, consequently it quiet prizes in that craveed-for rising of its elapsed grandeur; but the primates of the mass exalt aloft all someone who is decided to admit holding of her delay the identical design of superior her.